so much love!

Ownership is a dangerous concept if it is left to you. The ego wants to have things for salvation, for possession is its law. Possession for its own sake is the ego’s fundamental creed, a basic cornerstone in the churches it builds to itself. And at its altar it demands you lay all of the things it bids you get, leaving you no joy in them.

Only the Holy Spirit knows what you need. For He will give you all things that do not block the way to light. And what else could you need? In time, He gives you all the things that you need have, and will renew them as long as you have need of them. He will take nothing from you as long as you have any need of it. And yet He knows that everything you need is temporary, and will but last until you step aside from all your needs and realize that all of them have been fulfilled.

Excerpt from the book “A Course In Miracles”

oneGoalPeace
Ownership is a dangerous concept if it is left to you. The ego wants to have things for salvation, for possession is its law. Possession for its own sake is the ego’s fundamental creed, a basic cornerstone in the churches it builds to itself. And at its altar it demands you lay all of the things it bids you get, leaving you no joy in them.

Everything the ego tells you that you need will hurt you. For although the ego urges you again and again to get, it leaves you nothing, for what you get it will demand of you. And even from the very hands that grasped it, it will be wrenched and hurled into the dust. For where the ego sees salvation it sees separation, and so you lose whatever you have gotten in its name. Therefore ask not of yourself what you need, for you do not know, and your advice to yourself will hurt you. For what you think you need will merely serve to tighten up your world against the light, and render you unwilling to question the value that this world can really hold for you.

Only the Holy Spirit knows what you need. For He will give you all things that do not block the way to light. And what else could you need? In time, He gives you all the things that you need have, and will renew them as long as you have need of them. He will take nothing from you as long as you have any need of it. And yet He knows that everything you need is temporary, and will but last until you step aside from all your needs and realize that all of them have been fulfilled. Therefore He has no investment in the things that He supplies, except to make certain that you will not use them on behalf of lingering in time. He knows that you are not at home there, and He wills no delay to wait upon your joyous homecoming.

Leave, then, your needs to Him. He will supply them with no emphasis at all upon them. What comes to you of Him comes safely, for He will ensure it never can become a dark spot, hidden in your mind and kept to hurt you. Under His guidance you will travel light and journey lightly, for His sight is ever on the journey’s end, which is His goal. God’s Son is not a traveller through outer worlds. However holy his perception may become, no world outside himself holds his inheritance. Within himself he has no needs, for light needs nothing but to shine in peace, and from itself to let the rays extend in quiet to infinity.

Whenever you are tempted to undertake a useless journey that would lead away from light, remember what you really want, and say:
The Holy Spirit leads me unto Christ, and where else
would I go? What need have I but to awake in Him?

Then follow Him in joy, with faith that He will lead you safely through all dangers to your peace of mind this world may set before you. Kneel not before the altars to sacrifice, and seek not what you surely lose. Content yourself with what you will surely keep, and be not restless, for you undertake a quiet journey to the peace of God, where He would have you be in quietness.

In me you have already overcome every temptation that would hold you back. We walk together on the way to quietness that is the gift of God. Hold me dear, for what except your brother can you need? We will restore to you the peace of mind that we must find together. The Holy Spirit will teach you to awaken unto us and to yourself. This is the only real need to be fulfilled in time. Salvation from the world lies only here. My peace I give you. Take it of me in glad exchange for all the world has offered but to take away. And we will spread it like a veil of light across the world’s sad face, in which we hide our brothers from the world, and it from them.

We cannot sing redemption’s hymn alone. My task is not completed until I have lifted every voice with mine. And yet it is not mine, for as it is my gift to you, so was it the Father’s gift to me, given me through His Spirit. The sound of it will banish sorrow from the mind of God’s most holy Son, where it cannot abide. Healing in time is needed, for joy cannot establish its eternal reign where sorrow dwells. You do not dwell here, but in eternity. You travel but in dreams, while safe at home. Give thanks to every part of you that you have taught how to remember you. Thus does the Son of God give thanks unto his Father for his purity.

Excerpt from the book “A Course In Miracles”.
Chapter 13 (The Guiltless World) Section VII (Attainment of the Real World).
Para 10 Line 10 to end of section.

The title “so much of love!” of the post was just my spontaneous exclamation upon reading this.
The painting “One Goal: Peace” has been done by yours truly.

Happy Art Play Day

Recounting the experience of my first ever art stall …

Sing Together: painting
Sing Together

It is that boy’s eyes. That is the main reason why I am writing this post.

It was a wonderful day. Truly a blessing for me. An experience of directly reaching out and connecting with so many people via art, via the art stall I put up at the Diwali Dhamaka (a fun fest) in Manipal this weekend. At the stall, I was selling some of my paintings and also had all the paraphernelia ready for people to come and make a painting themselves.

Time and again I am pulled back to the memories and snapshots of those facial expressions of so many people and it fills me with so much gratitude and a sense of fulfillment. I feel amazed: “connecting with people in such a way is possible?!” Well yes, it is possible. It happened girl.

There was this small girl, 6/8 yrs or so, beautiful face, enticing smile. She kept hovering around my stall. Someone asked me finally, “Is she your daughter?” I said, “No, she is my admirer.”, and her permanent sweet smile got even brighter broader. She had been waiting for me to finish painting the pizza box side that I would give her for free to use as a bookmark.

lightInYou

A young man – a pharmacy college student here at the university. He was so enamored. He stood there and pondered long at the wares I had available. When he finally sat down to paint one himself, he pondered over that for long, along with his lady friend. I quipped a bit with this guy with a tip, “don’t apply your head so much” and later shared another painting tip with him too late, “backgrounds first, water first, coconut tree later.” That he was having a go at it with childlike enthusiasm despite being very clueless about it was so fantastic. Most adults do not do that. I realized later, I should have been gentle with him as I was with the children, rather than mocking joking.

I learned first-hand from a boy the impact of holding the paintbrush from far even when painting on a tiny canvas – and his mother had whispered to me that he does not know painting!

A lady admired the art on display and spoke of how she loves painting, has tons of art material at home but can only do copies. That is a struggle I have seen many adults have. Their technique is great, they can make beautiful paintings, but only copies. I told her to go home today and let her hand move any which way it wanted. She seemed inspired by my suggestions and said so too. I hope she tries.

There were many many wonderful expressions and human connections, saved in my heart. Each one precious and beautiful. I want to share each one with you, but will come now to those boy’s eyes. It is that boy’s eyes. That is the main reason why I am writing this post.

A small boy, again, maybe 6 8 10 years old. In school uniform, wearing glasses. Probably the first child I have seen here wearing glasses here in Udupi-Manipal, for that feature stands out in my memory, apart from his eyes. There was something troubled about it, his eyes. He came again and again and admired the stall, asked me how I paint like this (to which I wish I had an answer that would have soothed him and brought a happy smile to his face).

Phoenix: painting
Phoenix

He came again and said “I have come to watch you paint.” I offered several times to him, “would you like to paint?”, he shook his head. After my nth asking, he said, “some other time.”. There was something very adult about the way he said “some other time”. It was sad.

He came again with his elder sister, a smartphone and a request expressed by his sister and not himself, even though he had been talking to me so far.

“He wants to take photos of the paintings.”

I said sure, and he took some photos of some, individually.

Whatever it was that was touching him so intensely, I hope and pray it finds self-expression.

That sounds like a sombre boy and encounter, but the whole day was a very happy art play day. Several dreams and wishes fulfilled: to sell my paintings, to share a “Art Play Place” with people, to earn some money after a hiatus of some 2.5 years.

Facebook status: feeling blessed. 🙂


Moon Shower: painting
Moon Shower

Art Stall Manipal 2014 Vani Murarka

One Single Human Here

The suffering on this planet –
it is one single pain
What are you fighting against

one
One Single Human Here

The suffering on this planet –
it is one single pain
What are you fighting against
What are you defending against
In your homes
In your offices
In seats of governments
On the streets

Really really feel your pain
Every sliver, texture
And you shall know
There is no my pain your pain
Man, are we connected!

Out of frantic “thinking” heads
Feel
feel

Feel in your body
Feel that black ink
Feel it shifting

feel
experience it
observe it
inside

and you will find

a vast open space
and you will find

power
for you will find

pain is a sensation
pain cannot kill you
and you will find

freedom from pain
and you will find

we are one.

there is
one single human here.


the story of a hug

In Boston a few years back, I was spending Thanksgiving Break with the a beautiful friend of mine. …

In Boston a few years back, I was spending Thanksgiving Break with the a beautiful friend of mine. Isn’t it amazing how all my friends are so beautiful? It really is (amazing). A beautiful good fortune of mine. Talking of good fortunes, here’s another one: my friend took me along to an eclectic Thanksgiving potluck dinner.

Yes, the evening was eclectic. The food spread and the people spread. Much like world music where the beats of Africa mingle with Jazz mingle with strands of Indian Classical mingle with the song of the Chinese Moon mingle with the sounds from Scandinavia … You get the picture.

Having filled my plate, I was sitting at the corner of a large table, having dinner with lots of lovely people. There was a man sitting at the other edge of the same corner. I did not know anyone there. Ditto was his case. So we shared a conversation as we ate.

He was not fluent with his English and I do not remember which country he was from. Ukraine maybe? I don’t know. Soon in the conversation it emerged that he is out of work and in a financially uncertain state. The worry, tension, loneliness he was going through was clearly apparent. It was not there in his facial expression, nor explicitly there in his voice, but it was there. Being a foreigner in USA myself, it was easy to feel. The combination of being a foreigner in USA and work being a question mark, results in tension hanging over the head like holly all the time. Or is it mistletoe?

While he shared his data, (where from, doing what), and I shared mine, what was apparent from his face was actually only gratitude. He was glad someone was talking to him and talking so nicely. He said so too. I have often received this gratitude when talking normally and humanly to people who are feeling unsure about their English. I have experienced it in conversations in India too.

In his effort to express that gratitude, the way he was looking at me, smiling at me – frankly it became somewhat discomforting. I looked away and tried to interest myself in the conversations at the rest of the table. But I knew fully well that he was not trying to flirt with me. It is just that when we are culturally somewhat misplaced, we end up behaving and expressing ourselves at times in a manner that seems awkward to the other person. I did return to him too, time to time.

Soon people had eaten up their food and everyone was standing around in the hall, at the gate to part, wishing each other goodbye, thanking each other for the evening. That man came out and gave a big hug to one of the hosts of the evening (much to the alarm of the man receiving the hug!).

I piled into the car with my friend, the host who had been hugged and a few others. Comments were laughingly exchanged about how craaazy, wierrrd that person was, who had hugged. What was he trying to do?!

I did not say anything.

I wish I had –
That man was very very scared. And he was lonely. Maybe he was filled with the dread of having to go back to spending time with his worries alone, as he was about to step out of the gathering. And he was grateful. Very grateful, for the oasis of togetherness that the evening had given him, in the desert of his loneliness. That is what he was conveying via his hug.

And I wanted to say –
It is perfectly ok, and natural, and human, (and wise) for a man to hug. There is absolutely nothing wierd about a man who hugs goodbye.

And it is perfectly ok, and natural, and human for a man to feel really really scared.

I am grateful that despite being alarmed the host received the hug gracefully.


write such

instructions from my Self to me on how to write …

write such

write such that it may touch
the hearts of many, much
like it is their own voice.
write such that they rejoice
and feel they have a choice
to live life in the light.
to flow, and not to fight.
write gentle, yet write strong.
write your true inside song.
fly in the sky with wings
that self-expression brings.
fly with exquisite grace
o eagle! and embrace
that all-pervading force.
sing deep –
sing to your source.


a gift to myself

There is a beautiful green meadow. Lush green rolling hills.

A mountain stream is gurgling by. Crystal clear water. Interspersed here and there are stones on which the water rises and falls and makes beautiful music. The water is so lovingly sharp to touch and elixir to the throat.

I am dancing, roaming on those hills, wearing a beautiful, very generously frilly white dress with large purple flowers.

My arms are spread out, head raised. I fill my lungs and my being with the air that is alive. The breeze caresses my cheek, then runs away, like a rabbit. Then it gets naughty. Entering my dress from underneath, it fluffs up my dress and tickles my legs. I laugh out loud and push my dress down and then dance around.

There, near the stream are soft yellow flowers. I sit beside them and gaze for long at the texture of their petals, caressing them with my eyes. The wind is playing music too. The clouds embrace the top of the hills.

I lie on my back and look at the blue ceiling above. Infinite in expanse. Infinite in depth. Two small bird friends fly by chattering, high up above.

My body is on the grass, my heart is in the sky and I am in every fiber of the hills, every blade of grass, the earth, the water, the stones, the flowers, the clouds, the birds, the air, the infinite expanse – dancing and invisible.

~ vani murarka

jigsaw

crossword, scrabble, or sudoku?
no, those i do not like to do.
a jigsaw that my heart does woo
oh that is what i love to do.

jigsaws they speak to me of life,
each piece of life a joy or strife.
each thought each moment and each act
they come together so intact.

crossword, scrabble, or sudoku?
no, those i do not like to do.
a jigsaw that my heart does woo
oh that is what i love to do.

the “bond of union”, black and white
is m. c. escher’s art, that’s right.
a 1000 pieces, years ago
i put together zactly so.

its only black and white and grey
exciting challenge i must say!
to do jigsaws why i so love
revealed to me a loving dove –

interconnectedness of things
to me that is fascinating.
that law of physics fits i see
to change in any entity.

a person or a company
or country or the society.
software design is similar
to oil painting, i do figure.

mathematics, geography
they all give clues how life to see.
patterns and similarity
that is what i so love to see.

just now the feeling that i felt
is same as what i then had felt –
then that becomes a clue for me,
that’s how i do research. that’s me.

so yet another jigsaw came
peaceful, serene, indigo dame.
her beauty did speak to me of
my inner-beauty. no show-off.

grace and peace in her expression
image of my aspiration.
her silken robes reminded me
of mumma’s winter silk saree.

as i put pieces together
honored me also my mother.
but more than that it honored Her.
this painting through and through is Her.

the more the jigsaw time i spent
closer to Her i truly felt.
Her grace, compassion, confidence
rising from chaos in guidance.

i did this jigsaw differently.
reference picture i did not see
for clue where a piece may belong.
hence ecstasy even more strong.

an intimacy with the art
and with Her glowed inside my heart.
the rapture that music can bring
is possible from a painting!

when you do touch its every line
each subtle shade and color fine.
a bow to the unknown artist
to weave something so exquisite.

jigsaws they speak to me of life,
each piece of life a joy or strife.
each thought each moment and each act
they come together so intact.

observe each piece so minutely
see the texture, shade, line do see.
observing tells intuitively
where from that piece did come to be.

the parts we work on separately
they join others ultimately.
an integrated being must see
the parts with whole in synergy.

personal, professional and hobby
relations, health, all else there be
they merge together seamlessly –
oh see them not as separately.

reference picture we cannot see
yet faith can guide us easily.
He, She, with Love make our jigsaw –
see silently, oh see with awe.

~ vani murarka