Never and Forever Well-Formed

I think I might never heal — physically, mentally. Of course healing entails being OK with that.

Then, when you are OK with that, they say you get to directly experience (and be) the whole Universe. That’s what I’m interested in.

Some people talk of worshipping. I’m so uninterested in worshipping. Yes, this I have experienced clearly that something wants to live through me, and is quite adamant about it. You may call that something It, A Force, The Force, maybe even God — or you may choose to call it nothing at all and leave it at “something”. However, something *does* want to live through me.

The broken is well-formed. Very well-formed.

When you feel broken, try and remember that. That you have the ability to _feel_ broken, that you have the ability to be _aware_ that you’re feeling broken — how utterly fantastic is that!

Of course you have the ability to feel a zillion other feelings — and all of that is equally great.

A friend recently shared a quote by Thornton Wilder: “We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. “. I thought more about it. Yes, it feels great to be aware of, and grateful for what we have. “Count your blessings, name them one by one” is a very nice, sensible thing to do. It induces a sense of well-being. But what of the times when we are in pain?

We wouldn’t consider that to be a treasure, would we? But I know that when I am in pain, I am very very aware of that pain. In some sense I am very “alive” at that time. That phenomena is also very alive — the mental, physical, or emotional “pain” — and I am also very alive.

The desire to become healthy remains (despite writing “No longer seeking good health and Nirvana“), but even then, I’m very grateful for the times when I’m acutely alive with the awareness of, in the presence of pain.

Even though we don’t court darkness, I feel a peace when evening descends.

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