No Longer Scared of My Mind

Life and this world is beautiful and wondrous. Actually, how would I know. The only thing I ever experience really is the vast wondrous universe of my mind. Even if I get up and go somewhere – to some other city, country whatever – the only thing I am experiencing is my mind and all it is presenting to me.

I was in Seattle once – a beautiful city, lakes, parks, houses in a row each one adorned with flowers, gorgeous healthy food in the grocery store near Tableau’s office. Even then, the only thing I was really experiencing was horror – for that was the state of my mind then. I could see the beauty from the corner of my eyes but the only thing I was experiencing was horror.

This is not about Seattle or that experience. Yet, it is clear evidence to me that the only thing I am ever experiencing is my mind. That I can experience horror and ecstasy both (sometimes even simultaneously), boredom and everything in between itself is so fascinating.

There was a time I used be scared of my mind. I could see that it contained so much energy – energy that can engulf me. I felt it had the ability to destroy me. Overwhelmed by the rush of thoughts I used to want to wrap it in a newspaper and throw it out of the window.

I do not feel scared anymore. I feel fascinated. Our mind is so wonderful, so worthy of being explored with love, not fear.

It might seem like if I am focused on my mind I am too self-centered. Well frankly I have been self-centered all along. Might as well accept the truth. Maybe all people are (self-centered). The question is just how expansive or limited we make our self to be. Despite my self-centeredness, sometimes when I do see and sense the beauty of another being, that too happens via my mind. That light enters my mind and that is how I receive that message of beauty in a fellow-being.

It is a tremendous gift that has been given to us – our mind. And we really can choose what we want to plant there. There really is no need to be slave to our mind. I think we never are. When we are not consciously experiencing our mind, we are just being numb. I used to be that way all the time before. I did not know any better. We are not taught to “experience our mind”. Even in that setting, while we are numb, our mind works for us, on our behalf. Our mind always works on our behalf, as per our bidding as we have tuned it, irrespective of whether we are conscious of our bidding or not.

At the same time, our mind is our connection point to the world and the universe and the energy force that powers it all. The first thought that occurs to me, the first “idea” that I get, to build something (say Kaavyaalaya way back in ’97, or Geet Gatiroop for example) – that idea, that thought sure came from somewhere beyond me – I cannot take credit for that first seed thought. At the maximum I can say that I caught the thought and acted on it, but the first thought surely came from “beyond”. And that is the case even as I continue to work on a project – there does seem to be a greater force that directs operations – keeping on sending next step directions to me via the wondrous phenomena of the mind and thoughts.

Absolutely fascinating! So worthy of careful study and observation. So imperative too. For like it or not, we all have been gifted by this super-powerful thing called the mind. Even if you want to, you *cannot* throw it out of the window. And so we *have to* be observant of our mind, know it better and tend to it. It is a must. And when we do that, fascination and rapture is inevitable. Along with terrifying and exhilarating roller-coaster rides, that is. Talk about adventure!

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